SOME BIRDS (from 2011)

I stood in the waves and watched pelicans, or some birds, fly single file, bellies skimming the water. I felt future zits pulse under my skin. My hair was reggae. Too much sun, salt. I was almost 32 before I swam next to a jellyfish with my tongue out, probing. The shore was death. The ocean, death. My feet were standing in death. All week the sky was the color of a gun the color of a thunderstorm sky. What a big throat death has. What small hands. Look at the jaws of death, the rubber teeth. All kinds of death in single file. All kinds of death in a show. Girls in stocking-ed legs. Cocks laid on appetizer plates. Long lines for the bathroom. Beer cans versus sand castles.

It is hard. My friend, I spoke with you and you were not listening in the beautiful way you used to never listen. Your hand drifted up towards your hair in the vanity of the rested. You were never at ease. You were always tired. If it were only ever for show, well, you saw my heart break under open curtains. The show is the show.